Exchange Program
by GoesKaboom
Summary: The Rookie 9, Sand Sibs, and Akatsuki end up substitute teaching in a normal high school and cause mass pandemonium. High school has never been this interesting... COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Exchange Program

**Note: I do not own Naruto, and it's probably a good thing I don't. **

Chapter One

"AAARGH! Orochimaru must have used some freaky jutsu! Where are we?" Naruto shouted at the Rookie Nine and the Sand Siblings.

"Naruto, calm down!" Sakura said soothingly. "It's obviously a... building of some kind."

"OK, who was reading the map this time?!" Itachi yelled. "We're lost AGAIN!"

"It was Tobi. It's always Tobi," Kisame complained. Hearing his brother's voice, Sasuke launched into a rage.

"ITACHI! I WILL KILL YOU!" Itachi blanched as Sasuke came running around the corner yelling as the rest of the genin followed.

"HEY! NO FIGHTING!" Everyone froze as a man in a suit came charging out of the building. "I'm the principal of this school. You must be the substitute teachers we called. Half of our staff is out with food poisoning." Everyone stared at him, until Deidara finally broke the silence.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR RAMEN-EATING MIND-UN?" But the Akatsuki leader smacked him.

"Be respectful!"

"Actually, Deidara has a point," Shikamaru said. "We're not teacher, and besides, this whole thing is so troublesome."

"Well, we don't have time to be choosy," the principal said. "The main thing is the students education, and the student's will be here soon."

So that's how Zetsu and Kisame ended up teaching biology, Sasuke started teaching history, Naruto, Gaara, and Ino began teaching P.E., Chouji teaching cooking, Hinata teaching Home Ec, Neji taught computer science, Deidara taught art, Tobi got algebra, Temari got assigned to geometry, Itachi got stuck teaching English, Kankuro got assigned to chorus, Sakura got debate, Shikamaru taught Study Skills, Lee got weight training, Tenten got marketing, Kakuzu got economics, Kakashi (who for the life of him couldn't figure out what he was doing there) got Fashion Design, and Kiba and Shino got stuck being guidance counselors.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

This is what spills out of my brain when I'm at school. The first chapter is mostly introduction to the story, so it's not very funny yet, but the next chapters are better. I just had to write a story about what happens when my high school gets ninja substitute teachers. Please look forward to the next chapter.

-GoesKaboom


	2. Chapter 2

Exchange Program

Chapter Two

When Zetsu and Kisame went to the Biology lab, the last thing Zetsu expected to see was a venus-fly-trap on the teacher's desk. "Helloooo beautiful," he said to her.

"Hi..." she replied shyly.

"I think I'm in love," Zetsu said, turning to Kisame.

"Whatever."

When the students showed up, one very stupid kid yelled out, "HEY! THEY'RE UGLY!" Zetsu walked over and calmly ate the guy.

"Oh my god, he ate Bobby!" a girl yelled.

"Shut up, stupid! You'll be next!" someone hissed to her.

"Should we call the cops?" another person whispered, pulling out his cell-phone. Within seconds, Kisame snatched it from him and tossed it to Zetsu, who ate that as well.

"You know the rules. No cell-phones in school," Kisame said.

_-Line Break- _

Deidara's art class was instantly a favorite among students. Before they got there, he wrote 'Art is a bang' on the chalkboard. When the class appeared and sat down, he said, "Art is a bang-un. Today you are going to see beautiful art-un. Then you will create your own-un." Then he took out a bit of exploding clay and threw it against the chalkboard. It blew up.

"HOLY CRAP!" someone sitting close to the explosion yelled. But once he got ahold of himself quickly, "SWEET!" Deidara then passed out bits of exploding clay to the students, then walked around watching them detonate it.

"Good-un."

-_Line Break- _

Itachi's English class, on the other hand, was feared by students for years to come. Anyone stupid enough to talk during his class was instantly Mangekyou'd. As a result, half of the class was twitching on the floor, foaming at the mouth. However, one thing did work to his advantage. Deidara's classroom was right next door. When some people would not shut up despite being tortured three times, a bit of exploding clay landed on them, blasting gooky stuff all over the classroom.

"Sorry-un!" Deidara called. "The clay flies by itself-un!" The class panicked.

"Everyone: you should all go back to reading _A Tale of Two Cities_. And if anyone asks, the red stuff is ketchup." Itachi drew a hand over his throat. "And I don't think you need to know what will happen if that promise is broken..." Everyone nodded furiously, desperate to get out of that dank, gray room.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Well, here's chapter two. I hope everyone enjoyed! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Don't you all wish you could go to this school? It would really make my school life more interesting...

-GoesKaboom


	3. Chapter 3

Exchange Program

Chapter Three

P.E. The class that so many of us dread just got worse. Gaara was making everyone run laps... with the sand following them. Shukaku may have been gone, but old habits are hard to kill- KILL being the operative word here.

"Uh... there really isn't much for us to do here, is there?" Naruto asked Ino. They were standing against the wall, watching Gaara's sand chase their students around.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" a scream cut through their thoughts. Someone had tripped.

"HEY! GAARA! DON'T KILL THEM!" Ino yelled. Gaara turned around wildly.

"Huh?" he asked.

"That principal guy told us that if anything happened to the students, we wouldn't get paid. Do you really want to work for free?"

-_Line Break- _

Neji's computer science class failed. Every single one of them. He said it was "destiny" that they would fail, and that he couldn't go against destiny. Most of his students left that class very pissed off (and who could blame them? I'd be pissed if a teacher failed me because it was 'destiny').

_-Line Break- _

In cooking class, Choji decided to have everyone make BBQ.

"Why BBQ?" a student asked.

"Because I like BBQ," he replied. So everyone started cooking, and when they were done, Choji ate it all. He gave everyone an A.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments-

Here is chapter three! Thank you to my reviewers!

-GoesKaboom


	4. Chapter 4

Exchange Program

Chapter Four

There must have been something soporific in the air in Shikamaru's classroom, because everyone ended up crashed out on their desk, including Shikamaru. Needless to say, no study skills were learned that day... since everyone was too busy sleeping! When the bell rang, Shikamaru woke up the class. "I know it's troublesome," he said, " but everyone should bring a pillow for their homework."

-Line Break-

"If you use the power of your youth, then you will be able to lift heavier and heavier weights!" Lee told his weight training class. "Student A, you're not showing enough youthfulness!"

"Hey, it's not my fault!" the student complained. "I only took this class because sophomores are required to have a full schedule! I can't lift weights worth crap!"

"That's not a very youthful attitude!" Lee yelled back. "Now let's see some SPIRIT!"

"Yikes..." one student said to his friend. "I think we just found the new pep rally leader..."

"Yeah. I'm really disturbed..." the friend replied.

-Line Break-

The two guidance counselors, Kiba and Shino, were very busy with a crazy amount of students wanting to switch out of Itachi's English class. "Reason for the schedule change?" Shino asked.

"Uh... I can't get to my next class on time?" a student offered up as a suggestion. She really wanted to switch because she was terrified that she would be the next to go, but she had taken Itachi's threats seriously and didn't want to incur the wrath of the evil teacher with the freaky eyes.

"Sorry, that's not possible..." Kiba told her. "Everyone seems to want to get out of that class..." Akamaru barked.

"What?" the girl said in horror. But nothing she said could change their minds. She was going to have to keep on trucking through the English class from hell.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I'm REALLY sorry this update took so long to finish... the next one will not take so long. Thanks very much to all of my reviewers.

-GoesKaboom


	5. Chapter 5

Exchange Program

Chapter Five

The day ended, and everyone went into the teacher's lounge to figure out what they would do next. "We need a place to sleep," Shikamaru said. "It's too troublesome to try to stay in the school." SO they all set out to try to find a place to stay. They finally ended up in... a random basement!

"Who the hell are you young whippersnappers?" the cranky old lady who'se basement they ended up in yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Please m'am," Lee tried to explain what was going on. "The door was open and we need a place to sleep. We got stuck teaching at the high school."

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I'M CALLING THE COPS!" the old lady screamed. Itachi stepped forward.

"Lady, either you let us stay in the basement or you find out what happens when you cross Uchiha Itachi," he said, activating his eyes.

"Stop-un. We'll end up sleeping on the street if you do that-un," Deidara warned him. "And sleeping on the street is not good for anyone's hair-un. It'll make it all go flat-un."

"Shut UP, Deidara! Let me handle this!" Itachi yelled back.

"No! I WON'T shut up-un!" Deidara yelled at him. Everyone else just sat back and watched the show.

"Should we do something?" Sakura asked as the two started a fistfight.

"Nah. I'm not getting in the middle of that," Kisame replied. "It's just suicidal, doing something like that. Just let them fight it out, Deidara will get bored in a couple minutes."

Two hours later the brawl was still going strong. Finally, the old lady dumped a bucket of water over them.

"PFFFFT!" Itachi spat out water.

"MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR-UN!" Deidara yelled. "YOU MESSED UP MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR-UN!"

"Shut up" the old lady said. "I'll let you all stay here as long as you stop fighting."

"Do you have anything to eat?" Choji asked. "Because I want barbecue."

"You have to do your own laundry, make your own food, and mow the lawn yourself," the old lady replied in answer to his question. "I also expect you to pay $100 every month. This isn't your mama's basement. You are in the real world now. I'm not here to babysit all of you. Now SHUT UP!"

"I thought old ladies were supposed to be nice!" Tobi said sadly. "She's not very nice."

"Tobi, you really need to learn more about the world-un," Deidara said.

"But Tobi is a good boy!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments-

Another day, another chapter. I've been off school for snow for two days, and I have tomorrow off! I'm so happy. I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be up very soon.

-GoesKaboom


	6. Chapter 6

Exchange Program

Chapter Six

The next morning, everyone woke up very late. "Uh... what time was school supposed to start?" Naruto asked.

"8:00. Why?" Sasuke replied.

"Because it's 10:30 right now."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Lee yelped. "The power of youth is not working, we overslept! Now let's youthfully get to work!"

When everyone got to school, they realized the students were causing a riot. No teachers meant they could to whatever they wanted to. As they all walked through the door, someone crashed through the ceiling. "AAAAAAAAH! Oh, Hi." she said, as she struggled to get to her feet. Then, she stood up and screamed, "TEACHERS IN THE BUILDING!" The insane scene stopped for a minute, then decided to continue on its way.

"What do we do?" Sakura asked.

"Let me handle this-un. I'll get them to shut up-un." Deidara smirked, and took out some exploding clay. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP OR I DETONATE THIS-UN!" No one listened. "Ok then-un. You asked for it-un." He blasted the gray tiles off the wall.

"HOLY CRAP!" people screamed.

"That's better-un. You all have five minutes to get where you're supposed to be or I let Itachi loose with a lawn mower-un." Everyone ran to their classrooms as fast as they could.

"Smart choice..." Kisame said.

Later that day during lunch, Sasuke called a staff meeting in the teacher's lounge. Everyone except for Itachi showed up. "Where is he?" Kisame asked.

"Oh... he said he had some students in lunch detention," Naruto said. But Itachi walked in immediately after.

"Ok, now that everyone is here, we can start." Sasuke seemed like he was used to calling meetings to order. "Today the school was out of control because we overslept. What are we going to do now?"

"Buy an alarm clock, temee!" Naruto almost shouted. "It's not that hard!"

"Naruto's right," Kakashi said. "We need an alarm clock."

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I'm going to try to update again today. Please look forward to the next chapter.

-GoesKaboom


	7. Chapter 7

Exchange Program

Chapter Seven

After school, everyone walked to Walmart to pick up an alarm clock. Or at least, that was the plan. When they got in the Walmart, everyone seemed to go their separate ways. Sakura and Ino ran off to look at clothes, Naruto got sidetracked by the giant containers of ramen, Kisame got caught trying to free the goldfish in the pet supplies area, Itachi, Deidara, and Zetsu wouldn't stop staring at the pretty plasma TV, Lee looked at the exercise equipment, Hinata, Neji, and Tenten got bored so they went to buy sodas from the vending machine, Tobi fell asleep on a couch in the furniture area, Choji started kicking the vending machine when it wouldn't give him his chips, Gaara was just annoyed to be there in general, Temari and Kankuro were trying to calm him down before there was a fatality, and Shikamaru just started wandering around aimlessly. So that left Sasuke and Kakashi to find the alarm clock.

"OK guys, you know the drill-un," Deidara said quietly. "Itachi. You create a distraction while Zetsu and I move this TV-un. This will make our basement so much more interesting-un."

"Yeah, I was getting tired of missing _The Knights of Prosperity_," Zetsu replied.

"What are you planning?" Kakashi asked. All three of our would-be TV theives jumped in suprise.

"A ha ha ha... hi, Kakashi..." Zetsu said. "What's up?"

"Um... why is Deidara trying to hide a 72-inch TV?"

"No reason-un..." Deidara said. "HEY! LOOK OVER THERE-UN!" Kakashi turned around for a split second, then when he turned back around, all three of them were gone.

At the checkout line, Naruto was causing a disturbance. "What do you mean, I can't buy the entire inventory of ramen? I can pay for it!"

"I meant what I said," the irate cashier told him. "You. Cannot. Buy. All. Of. That. Ramen. You. Need. To. Save. Some. For. The. Other. Customers." It was a very cranky Naruto that went to put the ramen back.

Finally, Kakashi found an alarm clock and bought it. A quick headcount revealed that there was still one person missing. Tobi.

It took an hour and a half to locate him. No one thought he would be asleep. Finally, Deidara found him.

"YO! GET UP-UN!" Tobi awoke with a start.

"Hi, Deidara-sempai!"

"Just shut up and get ready to go-un. We're leaving-un."

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Yay, double update! I wonder how they're going to fit that TV in the basement...

-GoesKaboom


	8. Chapter 8

Exchange Program

Chapter Eight

Deidara was scared. Very, very scared. And who could blame him? After all, he'd been feeling like he was being watched for quite some time now (it kind of tipped him off when the bush followed him in the house...). So one day, he climbed into the refrigerator to hide from the stalker.

Eventually, Sasuke decided he was thirsty, so he walked over to get a soda, and was quite startled when he opened the door. "DEIDARA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled.

"Ssssh! I'm hiding from my stalker-un!" he said quietly, urgently.

"Uh... Okaaaaay then," Sasuke said. "Hand me a can of Coke, will ya?"

"Please don't tell anyone I'm here-un," Deidara said. "I'm not sure who the stalker is and I don't want to tip them off-un."

"Okay..." Sasuke replied. "Geez," he thought to himself as he walked away, swigging his soda. "It gets weirder here every day..."

Elsewhere in the basement, Tobi was hiding behind the TV, waiting for Deidara. He knew that Deidara liked to watch Jerry Springer around this time every day, and he had a dastardly plan. As soon as Deidara started watching TV, he would try out his new attack, Super-Tobi-Glomps-His-Sempai-and-Sempai-Returns-His-Feelings no Jutsu. Yeah, you read that right.

But when Deidara didn't show up, he started to worry. What if he was attacked? What if his precious Deidara was lying dead in a ditch somewhere? What if he was kidnapped by rabid fangirls? The thoughts were just too horrible to fathom, so Tobi did what any concerned person would do: raid the fridge.

"Deidara-sempai? Are you okay?" he asked when he opened the door. Deidara glared back at Tobi.

"D-d-d-duh! It's o-obvious I-I-I'm f-f-f-f-freezing t-to d-d-death-un. S-s-s-stupid s-stalker." Tobi looked concerned.

"Um... Deidara-sempai... please come with me..."

"W-w-why-un?" the freezing Deidara stammered.

"Just come with Tobi..." Tobi said. Deidara followed, having no idea what was coming next.

To Be Continued!

Omake-

Sorry to break off the chapter here, but I thought if I didn't stop here I'd never finish... this chapter took FOREVER to edit from the original hard copy. Anyway, here's part one of the Stalker Tobi segment, and as soon as I finish this segment its back to more school stories... I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

-GoesKaboom


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Um... yeah... this is the chapter that the rating goes up! But it's still only 16+, there's nothing REALLY bad... I wasn't sure whether I should post this as it is or if I should edit it, but my friends at school convinced me not to censor anything. You've been warned. After this, we're back to chapters about school life. Hey, even substitute teachers from the Naruto world get weekends, don't they? **

Chapter Nine

"So what is it you wanted to talk to me about-un?" Deidara asked. Tobi seemed to blush a little under his mask.

"Um... Sempai? Tobi isn't really sure how to tell you this but... well..." Tobi said quietly, looking at the floor. "I really want to say... what I mean to say is... OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT!"

"Hurry up and say it-un! The stalker could be anywhere!" Deidara was panicky, even thought Tobi had shut the door behind them.

"Well, Deidara-sempai... I LOVE YOU!" Deidara stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uh... Tobi... you do realize... I'm a guy, right-un?" But he stopped when Tobi glompled him. "HEY! GET OFF ME-UN!" he yelped.

"Sempai-----i! Please kiss me!" Tobi screeched.

"HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAP! ANYONE, CAN YOU HEAR ME-UN? I NEED YOUR HELP! I'M STUCK-UN! TOBI IS... TOBI IS... AAAAGH!"

Outside the door, everyone was listening to the panicked screams of Deidara and Tobi begging him. Of course, they had no idea who was really inside. "Hey, where's Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen Zetsu in a while either..." Kisame said.

"EEW!" everyone yelled (it don't take a psychic to tell what they are thinking of...)

"What are you talking about? I'm right here!" Zetsu said.  
"Oh, thank god!" everyone said. "But then, who's in there?"

"IT'S ME, DEIDARA-UN! TOBI HAS ME TRAPPED, I NEED YOUR HELP-UN!" Deidara called through the door.

"Should we help him?" Hinata asked.

"NAAAH, he'll be fine," Itachi replied. "Have fun, Deidara!" he yelled at the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Please relax, Deidara-sempai, it will be okay," Tobi said consolingly. At this point, he'd taken off his mask. Deidara glared furiously at him.

"NO, it WON'T be okay-un!" he almost screamed. "Why, WHY did you have to fall for me? Why not someone else-un?" Tobi climbed up next to Deidara.

"Because I like you the best," he said as he planted a small smooch on Deidara's cheek. Just as that happened, Deidara noticed a window in a corner of the basement. Picking up a lamp, he whacked Tobi with it. As Tobi staggered backwards, a thin line of blood leading from the corner of his mouth, Deidara forced the window open and ran out. Then he rejoined everyone else outside the basement room.

"So... how was it?" Ino asked curiously.

"LALALALALALALA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!" all the guys in the area sang. Deidara glared at them.

"Nothing happened-un. I made sure of that-un."

"Are you SURE?" Ino asked. "Cuz I wanna know! It'll be the hottest gossip with the students next week, the crazy art teacher and the clueless Algebra teacher..."

"AAAARGH!" Deidara yelled, blasting everyone sky-high. "I'M NOT A MANWHORE-UN!"

"Ino, please never say that to Deidara again," Shikamaru said once everyone regained conciousness. "It's bad for our health."

To Be Continued!

Omake-

OMG I cannot believe I actually posted this... hope you enjoyed! Next chapter we're back to school stories.

-GoesKaboom


	10. Chapter 10

Exchange Program

**Author's Note: The rating is back down to T, because apparently it didn't need to be bumped up in the first place! Well, what can I say, I'm paranoid. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend, whose birthday is today! Happy birthday:D **

Chapter Ten

We can all agree that everyone had quite a weekend, but needless to say, most everyone was quite ready to go back to school on Monday.

"I'm actually glad to be going to work-un," Deidara said in passing to Shikamaru as they chowed down on Lucky Charms.

"Why? It's so troublesome. And I don't know if you've noticed, but it's 4:30 in the AM." Shikamaru was staring at Deidara like he was insane.

"Yeah, but at least Tobi won't corner me when we're at school-un!"

So everyone showed up at school on time. Itachi got a shock when he walked into his class. The teacher was back and sitting at her desk! "Believe it or not, I'm over that weird 'food poisoning'," she told Itachi.

"Yeah, well I like teaching," he shot back. "And I'm not going to give up my job so easily!" The teacher laughed.

"OK, then we'll team-teach. I've noticed half of my class mysteriously disappeared... thank you for that!" the teacher genuinely was grateful, and it caught Itachi off his guard. The class instinctively edged away... they weren't stupid.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Deidara was mistaken about one thing, though. He thought that Tobi wouldn't stalk him at school, but he was wrong. "WHY THE FLYING FOOT IS MY CLASS TWICE IT'S NORMAL SIZE-UN?" he demanded when he was taking role.

"Don't blame us!" one student complained. "Our teacher told us to come to this classroom!" With a feeling of dread that grew stronger with every passing second, Deidara asked the student,

"Who's your teacher-un?"

"Uh... Tobi," the student replied, looking nervously around.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Deidara moaned, running around in a circle. "Class dismissed! Class dismissed! Do whatever you want-un!" he shouted as he ran out the door.

He burst in wildly screaming to Itachi's class. The teacher and Itachi stood up in shock. "NOOO! TOBI STILL STALKS ME! FORGIVE ME-UN!" he screamed as he took out a bit of exploding clay.

"Wait- what are you doing?" Itachi asked as he detonated it. **_BOOM! _**The whole classroom crumbled, and desks, books, and people flew every which way. Student B struggled to her feet.

"That... bastard..."she hissed as she took a piece of fallen brick in her hands. "He...won't...get...away...with...this..." she slammed the brick into Deidara's foot. He gasped in suprise, then fell forward as if he was dead.

"YOU! YOU KILLED DEIDARA!" the students yelled. "He was the best teacher in the school, and you killed him!" The teacher ran forward and checked his vitals.

"He's not dead," she said. "But he's in a coma!"

To Be Continued!


	11. Chapter 11

Exchange Program

Chapter Eleven

"Hang on, Deidara, please hang on!" These words were spoken by thousands of students, as well as his friends at the hospital. Of course, he couldn't hear them, being in a coma and all, but it made his well-wishers feel better.

"Please everyone, calm down!" the doctors said. "We are doing the best that we can to save him."

"Well, try harder!" Tobi sobbed. "I can't lose my sempai now, I just can't!"

"BRING US THE HEAD OF STUDENT B! BRING US THE HEAD OF STUDENT B! BRING US THE HEAD OF STUDENT B!" a group of protesters chanted. A local news crew even showed up to cover the situation. It was going to be aired on the 11 O'clock news that night.

"So tell us exactly what happened," a news reporter asked a student who'd been in the classroom when it all went down. "Who exactly is this Deidara, and why is everyone in such an uproar over it?"

"Deidara was the best art teacher in the school," the student said, snapping his gum. "He was really scared about something and accidentally blew up our classroom. No one was angry at him about it, we were all pretty happy that we were going to get out of class. But then Student B panicked and stabbed him in the foot with some rubble. He collapsed, and now he's in a coma. Student B mysteriously disappeared, and now there's a price on her head set up by the student body. Anyone who brings her to us, dead or alive, gets a free PS3. Zetsu, he's the biology teacher, managed to get one for the reward. So now those of us who aren't looking after Deidara are on the hunt."

"Interesting," the news reporter said nervously, looking over his shoulder as a group of students headed by Tobi marched past with an array of weaponry.

"There goes some of the searchers now," the student said, waving to one of his friends in the group.

"YO! 125, you joining us? Reward if we catch her is a PS3!" the friend called. "General Tobi will stop at nothing to make sure she's brought to justice. And I want a PS3."

"Yeah, sure, be right there!" 125 shouted back. Turning to the reporter, he excused himself and joined "General Tobi's" search party.

Somewhere in the woods, Student B was hiding in a cave. "They'll never find me here," she whispered to herself.

"Woof?" a dog woofed. Akamaru was sitting in the cave right next to her. Oh crap. She recognised the dog.

"Nice doggy," she said carefully. "No need to call your master..."

"WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" Akamaru barked. A couple yards away, Tobi and Kiba understood.

"That's the signal!" Kiba told the group. "Akamaru found her!"

"All right, everyone! Formation One!" General Tobi told the group. And they all marched into the cave.

"I'll bet you thought you could run forever, didn't you?" Tobi asked sardonically. "Time to end this!"

Back at the hospital, Deidara woke up.

"Holy mother of pinecones, what the heck happened to me-un!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I'm sick, and I needed to cheer myself up, so I decided to write. Writing crack fics always make me feel better! (lol) Thank you very much to all of my reviewers!


	12. Chapter 12

Exchange Program

Chapter Twelve

Now that everyone's favorite art teacher was back among the living, the out-of-control student's trial could begin. The entire school packed into the auditorium (actually, that was the only day that not a single person was absent...). Sakura's Debate class were the prosecuting "lawyers" at the trial. All 21 of them. Who did Student B get for her defense? Her friend. She at least got a jury of her peers, albeit a very ANGRY jury of her peers. Kakashi was acting as the judge, because no one else could be bothered.

The entire auditorium was screaming for blood. The accused had almost killed their favorite teacher, after all, and they wanted to see her brought to justice.

"ORDER IN THE COURT!" Kakashi finally yelled. Everyone present settled down. "Thank you. Now, the prosecution will have five minutes to present their first case."

"Thank you, your honor," the student standing at the podium said. "This is Exhibit A, the rubble used to stab my client in the foot. Note the red stuff on it. We had the science classes examine it, and it turned out to be blood. This is the rubble used my Student B to put my client in a coma!" he said forcefully. The auditorium collectively gasped.

"How awful!" one of the jury members muttered to her friend.

"Urgh..." her friend replied in disgust.

"WE FIND HER GUILTY!" a row of students in the back shouted. "WE FIND HER GUILTY! WE NEED NO MORE TRIAL, SHE'S GUILTY!" Kakashi angrily banged the gavel on the desk.

"All right. Defense, state your case."

"Uhm... uh... er... ah..." the defense's "lawyer" said for all five minutes.

"Time's up! Prosecution, make your next case." The student stood back up to the podium.

"Your honor, these fingerprints were lifted off the rubble after my client was airlifted to the hospital, and they do indeed match the defendant's." The auditorium gasped again.

"Horrible!" one boy on the jury whispered. "I've made up my mind!"

"The jury will now recess before the sentencing."

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Forty-five minutes later, everyone came back. "How does the jury find the defendant?"

"Guilty as charged," someone on the jury said. The auditorium erupted.

"I KNEW IT!" students yelled and cheered. "I KNEW IT!"

"Thank you-un!" Deidara shouted happily. "What is the sentence-un?"  
"Six months of after-school detention with Itachi, six months of being Choji's personal chef, and six months of doing Gaara's laundry. And you'd better believe that laundry will be spotless and wrinkle-free. Gaara HATES it when his laundry isn't perfect." Student B looked over at Gaara nervously. He glared back at her.

"If my clothes have the slightest wrinkle when I get them back, I will not hesitate to kill you," he said evilly.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Thank you so much to everyone who said to get well soon! I'm doing better today. :D

I will be trying to update on a more regular basis (at least every other day) so this story will be moving right along! Thank you to my awesome reviewers!


	13. Chapter 13

Exchange Program

Chapter Thirteen

After Student B was safely (well, I guess that's relative, depending on who you're talking about) put in the confines of Itachi's detention room, life returned to the semi-normalcy that was to be expected in a high school full of ninja teachers. Or it did, at least until the time came for... STANDARDIZED TESTING! (cue thunder and lightning and creepy 'dun dun dun' music)

"I'm sorry to ask you to do this," the principal of the school said dejectedly. "But since only one of our teachers has recovered from the food poisoning, we have to ask you to administer the SSTOSS tests in every subject."

"What does SSTOS stand for?" Naruto asked.

"Stupid Standardized Tests of Sluggish Students," came the reply. Ino and Sakura looked at each other and burst out laughing. Tobi said he didn't get it, and all Gaara said was,

"That's stupid."

"Yeah, well, it's the law. We need to make sure we follow the law to the letter," the principal said. "I can't have a scandal about standardized testing come up in this school and have me lose my job! I have... uh... certain bills I need to pay."

"Does it concern this?" Shino asked, holding up a brochure. "It was left in the guidance office a few weeks ago." Everyone craned their necks to see what he was holding, and busted up laughing when they saw what it was: a brochure on hair-loss clinics.

"Heh... I'll bet Itachi needs that," Sasuke remarked in passing to Tenten who just happened to be standing next to him.

"You do realize that he is standing behind you, right?" she asked. Sasuke slowly turned around, coming face to face with as seriously pissed Itachi.

"Foolish little brother..." he said in a low and deadly voice.

"Oh crap," Sasuke whispered.

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Twenty minutes later after Itachi had proceded to kick Sasuke's butt, everyone was ready to give the tests. They were SUPPOSED to stick to the script provided by the government, but of course some of them added their own special addtions to the rules.

"Do not speak during this test. Do not look up during this test. If you do, you will find yourself taking this test for the next 72 hours," Itachi said darkly.

"If everyone in the class passes proficient on these tests, I'll treat the whole class to ramen!" Naruto promised his class.

"If you cheat on this test, then you're a worse person than my murderer of a brother," Sasuke warned. "That's not a good thing."

"These tests are so troublesome," Shikamaru said. "But they'll be less troublesome if you just take the test."

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Someone asked if the person who stabbed Deidara was Ino. No, Student B was just a random student in Itachi's English class. Ino teaches gym. Sorry if that was confusing. Finally, this story has the most reviews out of any of my other work! WOOOOT! I really cannot say thank you enough to all of my awesome reviewers! I'm always happy to hear your feedback. Once again, I would like to take the time to say thank you to everyone who has supported this fic. I know there are a lot of high school stories out there, so thank you for taking the time to read this one. Please look forward to the next chapter:D


	14. Chapter 14

Exchange Program

Chapter Fourteen

Of course, not everyone had the attention span to take the standardized tests. Twenty minutes into the test, Naruto screamed, "Forget this! Come on, I'm buying everyone ramen!" Shikamaru's class fell asleep, Deidara got bored and blew up the scantrons, Tobi decided stalking Deidara would be a better test of ability, and everyone else just kind of gave up after a while.

"No one's even going to look at these scores anyway," Itachi said. "They just make you take this test so you feel like you're the only competent people in the school."

"But you might get fired if you don't hand these in!" a student said, concerned. Itachi just smirked.

"I'd like to see the person stupid enough to try to give ME the pink slip," he chuckled darkly. "But thank you for your concern."

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So in the end, only about half of the tests were sent to the state to be graded.

"Put _A. High School _on the watch list, Billy," a very offical person said. "We only got tests from half of the students and the ones we did get were failing!"

"Yeah, Bob, but that school is the one that had the weird episode of teachers with food poisoning," Billy said.

"Ah, don't worry about it. There's already eight million other schools we can torment," another guy told Billy and Bob.

"But Joe, there's something fishy about this whole affair. There have been strange reports of students going missing, classrooms exploding, one of the substitutes was put in a coma. It's just too weird. I want to check it out and make sure that aliens aren't involved!" Billy said. Joe sighed.

"You and those aliens. You just want to prove that aliens are indeed taking over the world so you can sell the scoop to the National Enquirer."

"Is it my fault I want to get rich quick?"

"Fine. We'll observe _A. High School _to make sure there are no aliens involved," Joe finally said. "But all you're going to find is a bunch of substitute teachers just trying to do the best that they can in a short period of time."

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Yeah, right. "It is my destiny to not do anything today. I can't go against destiny, so you can all just surf the Internet," Neji told his computer science class. Shikamaru's class rarely ever woke up to learn anything, and Itachi was too busy tormenting his English classes to really care too much about teaching the material. The guidance counselors were busy preparing for the new course selection process, and everyone was very happy about the upcoming prom. They were all oblivious to the coming storm.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Another day, another chapter. Thanks for reading!

-GoesKaboom


	15. Chapter 15

Exchange Program

**Note: My friend Beka-sama's birthday is on Sunday. But I'm going to be out of town, so here's her birthday chapter! Happy early birthday:D**

Chapter Fifteen

"WHY do we have to go meet with the guidance couselors again?" Student Y asked irritably as she walked with her friends.

"Come on, we need to pick our classes! And remember: This time, DO NOT YELL AT THE COUNSELORS IF THEY MAKE YOU TAKE P.E.¡ The guidance department still hasn't recovered from the last time!" her friend, Student Z said.

"Yeah, whatever," Student Y replied. "I just hope that these temporary guidance counselors actually know that I can take whatever classes I feel like!" she said.

"Let's just not get the cops involved this time," Student X said. He didn't really want to be caught in the crossfire again this year. The benches at the police station weren't the most comfortable places to sleep.

"Yeah yeah yeah. I know how to behave," Student Y reassured her friends. So she stepped into the office.

Twenty minutes and no explosions later, she stepped out.

"Weird, I think I've seen them before somewhere."

"Yeah, in the hallways, idiot!" Student X said. "Duh. Has all that Red Bull you drank for lunch going to your head?"

"Shut up. Z, it's your turn," she answered. Student Z walked into the office and squee'd when she realized who the counselor was.

"KIBA-KUN!"

"Ohhhh... THAT'S where I seen him before..." Student Y said knowingly. "I really am an idiot!"

"Come on, let's just go," Student X said. "We should get back to class. Obviously it's going to take Z a while to get out of there."

"The least we can do is put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door, don't you think?" Y asked. X nodded his head.

In the office, Z said, "I love you, Kiba-kun!" and kissed him.

"Uh... aren't we here to talk about your schedule?" he asked.

"Forget the schedule!" Z replied.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

This chapter sucks, I'm sorry. Requests are really hard to follow! Just FYI- Student Z is my friend Beka-sama, Student Y is me, and Student X is just a random person. My friend requested this chapter for her birthday, and I feel like I wasn't able to meet the request... I suck! DAMN REMEDIAL WRITING CLASS! IT RUINS MY CREATIVITY!

-GoesKaboom


	16. Chapter 16

Exchange Program

Chapter Sixteen

"Bad news, everyone!" Naruto yelled in the teacher's lounge the next day. "We're being investigated by some organization because of our students' test scores!" Everyone gasped in shock and horror.

"Oh noes!" Tobi shrieked. "I'm scared of evil organizations! Good thing I have my boo, Deidara-sempai, here to save me!" Deidara sighed.

"Two things, Tobi. One- You BELONG to an evil organization-un! And Two- I don't care WHAT'S attacking, I'm not saving you-un!" he replied angrily. "And please stop telling everyone that I am your 'boo'. Everyone finds it difficult to take me seriously now that that they all think that-un!" Tobi looked suprised.

"It's just a way of showing my affection!" he said crankily. "But if Sempai doesn't like it then I will stop."

"Thank you-un!"

"Uh... can we PLEASE get back to the problem at hand?" Naruto begged. "This is serious! We don't have time to worry about who is who's 'boo'. We have to eat all the ramen before we get fired! Who's with me?"

"Dobe, we have to save our jobs! We don't have time to be worried about ramen either!" Sasuke added.

"I'm with Sasuke-kun!" Ino interjected.

"If Ino agrees, then I'm with Sasuke too!" Sakura said on the outside, but on the inside, she was saying, "CHA! I WON'T LET INO-PIG WORK WITH SASUKE ALONE!"

"I'm not about to lose my job like this! It goes against destiny!" Neji said.

"I am the only competent teacher at that school! What will the students learn if they fire me!?" Itachi was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "I can't let their education in the glorious language arts go unattended! They had better not even think about firing me!" Yes, Itachi was very passionate about teaching after all. If only he had more students left alive to teach.

"Don't worry, everyone," Tobi said. "I have a plan! Shino, Zetsu, I need to speak to you for a moment." Well, this was a suprise. Tobi was actually planning something that had nothing whatsoever to stalking Deidara. Zetsu and Shino looked at each other and shrugged.

"So you want Shino to use his bugs to distract the officials when they show up to inspect the school? Then you want me to EAT them!?" Zetsu said in shock.

"No my bugs! NOOOO!" Shino wailed.  
"Not the bugs. The officials," Zetsu clarified.

"Oh."

"I really just don't see how this will work," Zetsu said. "You know I get indigestion if I eat too much in one day... but since you asked politely I'll try."

"OK, cool!" Tobi said. "Now. Let's get ready for them!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Well, here's chapter sixteen. This is now the longest story I've ever written, and it's also gotten the most reviews of any other story I've written! Thank you all very much, and I hope you continue to support this story. You all are awesome:D

-GoesKaboom


	17. Chapter 17

Exchange Program

**Note: Billy, Bob, and Joe are the officials sent to monitor the school. **

Chapter Seventeen

"Are you sure this is the right high school?" Billy asked. "It seems so... normal."

"This is _A. High School, _all right," Joe replied. "Can't you sense the creepy aura exuding from the building? I'll bet we are going to walk in there and see aliens with ray guns and shiny spaceships all over the place! And then I'll get pictures of them and get rich!"

"Will you shut up?" Bob snapped. "There are no aliens, just some teachers who aren't doing their jobs!"

"Billy, Bob's being mean to me!" Joe whined.

"Will both of you cut it out? We're supposed to be IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT INSPECTORS, and you're over here arguing like little children! Now behave and TRY to do your jobs."

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"OK, everyone! They're here!" Naruto called from the window of the teachers' lounge. "Places everyone! You know the drill. Itachi! No Mangekyou-ing the students!"

"Damn," Itachi muttered.

"Sasuke! No rants about how much you want to kill Itachi!" Naruto barked.

"Fine," Sasuke replied. "But how am I going to teach them about what happens when you're family gets killed by your psychotic older brother if I can't talk about avenging!"

"You. Are. A. HISTORY. Teacher."

"Whatever," Sasuke replied. Naruto moved on.

"Zetsu! No eating the students when the officials are here! It'll get us fired!"

"But what if I get hungry?" Zetsu whined.

"NO!" Naruto almost screamed. "Gaara! You're held to the same principles: no killing anyone!" Finally, everyone was ready to go.

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The first class the inspectors visited was Itachi's. His eye twitched as he greeted the class. "G-good morning," he forced himself to say. The students looked around in a panic. Itachi was being pleasant, could a bloodbath be far behind? But then they noticed the inspectors in the corner of the room, and everything made sense.

It almost killed Itachi to be nice to his class. He didn't give any 1000-point pop quizzes, he didn't Mangekyou anyone, and he didn't even fly off the handle into a rage! The class liked it, though.

"No problems here," Bob said as he left the classroom. Itachi almost collapsed in relief.

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Neji's Computer Science class was up next. There was no talk about destiny, no talk about the inevitable. Just straight-up computer talk. Billy and Bob were completely lost, they knew nothing about computers. But Joe seemed to understand it... he'd been trained a little bit when he applied for his job. "This class seems fine," he told his colleagues.

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While all this was going on, Zetsu, Tobi, and Shino were preparing. "Wait, Zetsu-san! Your class is next up on the inspection list! You should get over there, now!" Tobi shrieked, realizing what was happening. Zetsu cursed and said, "Why couldn't you tell me sooner, Tobi! And shouldn't you be in your class as well?"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Tobi's plan might not be working so well... thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Exchange Program

Chapter Eighteen

Well, Tobi's plan didn't work so well. No one was able to take part in it. But their classes got evaluated just the same.

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"I'M SO HUNGRY!" Zetsu wailed.

"Just suck it up. I wasn't allowed to Mangekyou anyone!" Itachi retorted. "You can eat a salad like everyone else." And he handed Zetsu a salad. But it seemed to have the opposite effect of what was desired.

"NOOOOOO! GRANDMA! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO YOU!" he sobbed when he saw the salad. "HOW HORRIBLE!"

"Itachi you dumbass! You tried to make him eat this own grandma! You're even more of a bastard than I originally thought!" Sasuke muttered. "Now I MUST kill you. It's a matter of principle! No decent person would try to make their friend do something like that. Where is your pride!?"

"Bring it on, foolish little brother!" Itachi replied. It looked like things were going to turn into a Mortal Kombat-type situation when Naruto interjected,

"Save you Battle-to-save-the-universe until AFTER the officials are gone! If we have a brawl now, then we'll definently get fired!" Sasuke and Itachi glared at each other, but backed off.

"I'll get you after school, foolish little brother," Itachi said coldly.

"Sniff... I'm going outside to give Grandma a proper burial," Zetsu choked out through his tears.

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The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and the officials finally left.

"I honestly don't see why this school was on the watch list," Bob said quietly as he walked out the door. "It seemed perfectly normal to me."

"No aliens," Joe sniffled. "I'm not going to get crazy rich now."

"You never WERE going to get crazy rich! You'll be a broke school inspector until the day you die, Joe!" Billy replied.

"Shut up."

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Sasuke and Itachi were ready to fight again, but as per usual, Itachi kicked Sasuke's butt.

"Next time, don't make this a waste of effort," Itachi said evilly as Sasuke collapsed.

"At least they didn't fight in front of the school inspectors," Ino said to Temari.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Yay! I've gotten over a hundred reviews! (cue applause). No, seriously, thank you all so much! You all are the best. Here are some virtual presents for you:D

And I apolgize for the short chapter and long update time. Yesterday my ancient power supply in my PC died, so I had to go to the computer store to buy a new one. And if you know me: Once I go to the computer store, there's no getting me OUT of the computer store (lol).

EDIT: Something got seriously fubar-ed (fcked up beyond repair) and for some reason, anything I updated after 3-22 was not showing up. I apologize for the re-submit, but I'm not sure if it's a problem on my end or a problem. If you sent reviews, sorry about that... Chapter 19's coming back up, too, as well as my new one shot, Sasuke's Lousy Spring Break.

-GoesKaboom


	19. Chapter 19

Exchange Program

Chapter Nineteen

Finally, the nightmare of investigations was over. Everyone fell back into their usual routine with their classes (much to the dismay of Itachi's students). Or at least, they did until the time came for the pep rally.

"I know the perfect thing to get the student's morale high!" Itachi said happily. Everyone eyed him warily.

"Do I want to know?" Kisame asked.

"I'll come in on a LAWN MOWER!"

"No. Way. In. Hell." Sasuke replied. "Just no."

"Aww... why not?" Itachi asked. "It'll be fun!"

"For you, maybe," Lee said.

"Duh. That's why I'm offering it up! Who cares if it's fun for the students, all I care about is my own happiness!" Itachi answered, in an almost singsong tone. It was pretty damn scary, if you ask me, but hey, who cares what I think? Itachi's free to talk in whatever tone he wants to.

"No." Deidara put his foot down. "No lawn mowers. It's too dangerous. But we CAN blow up the gym-un."

"Oooh, sempai, you're so cool!" Tobi added. "How about you and me put that suggestion to good use?" he mentioned, winking at Deidara. He shuddered in response.

"How about you go 'put that suggestion to good use' by yourself-un?"

"Aww... you're so mean."

"ANYWAY, moving right along," Gaara said, desperate to move the convo out of dangerous waters before random stuff started exploding or Tobi jumped Deidara and dragged him to the supply closet. That would be bad, not only for Deidara, but for everyone else around who had to witness it. "Why don't we just lock them in the gym and go home?"

"No, there's laws against that," Tenten added.

"So?"

"Do you really want another investigation?"

"Not really..."

"Then it's settled. No locking people in the gym, no lawn mowers, especially not with Itachi around, and no explosives."

"Damn-un," Deidara said.

"Aww. come on, sempai, let me make it up to you!" Tobi said.

"For the last time, Tobi, NO FREAKIN' WAY IN HELL-UN!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Wow! Double update today! Thanks for reading!

EDIT: Again, sorry about the resubmit. Something got screwed up, and my new chapters weren't showing up.

-GoesKaboom


	20. Chapter 20

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty (Woah! Twenty!)

Eventually Tobi was smacked upside the head because of his pervertedness. "Good. Now that he's out of the way, let's talk about business," Kakashi said. "As you all know, the pep rally is in two days and we need to be prepared. So now, you all need to go buy whatever you think we need. And NO LAWN MOWERS!"

"Damn!" Itachi said angrily. " I had such a good idea, too!"

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Nothing could have prepared Party City for the Ninja Invasion. The store manager watched in shock as a boatload of people (VERY WEIRD people) came stomping through her nice clean store.

"Excuse me, Ma'm, where do you keep the party streamers?" Zetsu asked politely. The woman screamed.

"AAAAAAAH! S-stay back!" Zetsu looked hurt.

"Oh, you're real nice. All I asked was where the party streamers were!"

"Leave it, Zetsu. You tend to forget: You scare the shiznit out of normal people!" Kisame laughed.

"Zetsu, they're back here!" Ino and Sakura yelled.

"I say we buy PINK streamers!" Sakura shrieked when the plant-man finally made his way to the back of the store.

"Yeah, well, I say we buy PURPLE!" Ino shouted. Poor Zetsu had no idea what the hell was going on. He didn't even LIKE pink or purple! He had been planning to buy them in orange and gray, the school colors. Or green. Zetsu liked green.

"Zetsu, can you please tell Ino-pig why purple streamers are not a good idea?" Sakura begged.

"Shut up, Billboard-brow! Zetsu OBVIOUSLY agrees with me that pink streamers are FUGLY!"

"Uh... actually, I don't like pink OR purple! And if you don't stop fighting I swear I'll eat EVERYTHING in this store!"

"You'd better listen to him!" Deidara said, scared. "One time when we were all shopping for Kisame's aunt's cat's former owner's daughter's boyfriend's sister's best friend's niece's cousin's girlfriend's mom's wedding, Zetsu got pissed off and ate an entire bridal boutique! We owed about a million buck's worth of money and Zetsu was sick for a week-un!"

"Uh... why were you even INVOLVED with Kisame's cat's girlfriend's daughter's... whatever that person was's... wedding?" Ino asked.

"Don't ask-un. LONG story."

While the fighting over streamers was going on, another question came to light. "Hey! Where's Itachi!?"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I'm hitting the road here in two days for spring break, so it's going to be a little while before the next update. But don't worry, I'll finish the drafts of the next few chapters while I'm gone and type them up when I get home.

Sorry about the resubmit of the last two chapters. Things have been a little strange lately...

Once again I would like to thank all of my reviewers:D I've said this before, but the fact that you chose this story out of so many you could have read really means a lot to me.

-GoesKaboom


	21. Chapter 21

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-One

Itachi had gotten bored with the Party City, so he went next door to... Honest Harold's Discount Computers. He would buy a computer! Who cared about the stupid pep rally, what he REALLY wanted to do was see what his students were saying about him on Myspace. Of course, it would have to be a really good computer. Itachi only used the best electronics. "How much is this computer?" he asked politely.

"Uh... well... $150," the clerk said. Itachi activated his eyes.

"That's a little high," he said darkly. "Care to lower the price?"

"YIKES! Uh... sure... you can have it for $15!" So Itachi walked out of the store carrying a new computer.

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Meanwhile, a frantic search was going on for Itachi. "Where the hell is he, that bastard?!" Sasuke yelled. "I'm going to kill him, he's probably out killing innocent families!"

"No, I think I know where he is..." Kankuro said. "Remember how he wanted to get a lawn mower?" Everyone gasped collectively.

"You don't mean..." Tobi started, terrified.

"The Lawn Mower..." Ino added.

"REPAIR SHOP!" Shikamaru finished. Everyone looked at each other in a panic.

"This is terrible-un!" Deidara said. "We HAVE to find him soon, or there's going to be one less town on this map!"

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Fifteen minutes later, Itachi came back while everyone was still running around in a panic. "Hi everyone!" he shouted. Everyone froze.

"It doesn't LOOK like a lawn mower..." Naruto said.

"Don't let him fool you, Naruto. He's good at tricking people into thinking that what he's holding is something else!" Sasuke replied.

"Yeah... but lawn mowers are really heavy. I don't think he'd be able to carry it with one hand. I also don't think it would fit in a plastic bag."

"You underestimate how strong he is!" Sasuke shouted. Itachi sighed.

"Foolish little brother, this is a COMPUTER. Why do you think this is a lawn mower!"

"Because you WANTED a lawn mower!" Sasuke replied.

"Yeah, well, it's not."

"It is our destiny to have pep rally next week, and we're standing around fighting over whether what Itachi bought is a lawn mower or a computer! Let's get back to shopping for the pep rally, please!" Neji said.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I managed to write a chapter before I left. Thanks for reading!

-GoesKaboom


	22. Chapter 22

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-Two

Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. Really, really wrong with a cherry on top. Deidara and Tobi were missing.

"It's the day of the pep rally! And we need their help carrying all this crap to the school! It's too troublesome for me to carry it by myself," Shikamaru complained.

"I don't think you understand the seriousnesss of the situation," Itachi explained.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Should we go try to find them?" Ino asked.

"I think we should," Sasuke said. "But not ourselves. I'll call the cops."

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"Help me-un!" Deidara whined pitifully. But it wasn't what you'd think (get your minds outta the gutter!). He'd fallen in the pool and his cloak had become so soggy that he couldn't lift himself up. Right then he was struggling to keep his head above the water. At least SOMEONE heard his cries for help. Unfortunantly, that someone happened to be Tobi. He hauled his sempai out of the pool.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Thanks-un," Deidara replied. "I am going to give you a reward. How much money do you want? No amount is too high, you saved my life-un!" he said, pulling out his wallet. "$100? $200? $500? $10000000000?" Tobi looked at the ground.

"Um... I don't want any money if it's all the same to you, Deidara-sempai."

"Are you high? Everyone loves money! Tobi, I'm telling you, lay off the Sharpies-un." Deidara was shocked. Who in their right mind would refuse $10000000000? Tobi was high, he was sure of it.

"Uh... I want you to kiss me. That would be a better reward than money!" Tobi replied. Deidara stared at him.

"Yeah, your definently high," he said. "Sorry-un." Tobi looked so pathetic after that.

"Please? You said you'd give me a reward!" he sniffled. Deidara sighed.

"Fine," he said, pecking Tobi on the cheek. But before he could move away, Tobi forced off Deidara's cloak.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING-UN?!" he yowled in protest. Tobi pressed a finger to his lips.

"Shh, sempai. You'll get sick if you stay in those wet clothes. And besides, you kissed me first!"

Once the annoying cloak was out of the way, Tobi pressed his cheek against the net shirt Deidara always wore under his cloak. Soon he rasied his head until he was looking squarely in Deidara's eyes. "You're so hot, sempai," he said. Then he started nibbling Deidara's ear.

But before things could go any further, a voice that did not belong to Deidara called out, "STOP!" A whole police battalion surrounded the yard. "WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED! RELEASE YOUR HOSTAGE OR WE WILL HAVE TO USE FORCE!" Tobi let go of Deidara in shock. Deidara scurried away.

After hauling Tobi down to the police station Deidara realized something.

"We have twenty minutes to get to school-un!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

I'm back! Did you all have a good week? The plane trips sucked but at least my trip was good... oh well.

Sorry for the delay in releasing this chapter. It was going to be difficult for me to post on my trip. But I'm back now, and chapter twenty-three will be up tomorrow. Thanks for reading:D

-GoesKaboom


	23. Chapter 23 and New Story Poll

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-Three

While Tobi was chilling out downtown, the rest of the ninjas were working their butts off to make sure the gym was ready for the pep rally. They had to move EVERYTHING out of the way because the entire school would be in there. They couldn't risk Itachi going off the deep end when there were very dangerous objects such as basketball hoops in the area. Itachi had a history of slam-dunking people THROUGH the basketball hoops.

"Hey, wait a minute! Who's watching our classes?" Sakura asked. "We shouldn't leave them alone! remember what happened last time?"

"Ok. Itachi, Sasuke, go make sure the students aren't trying to kill each other!" Kakashi ordered. The two brothers walked off, not realizing who they were supposed to be working with.

"Wait... didn't you just send ITACHI and SASUKE to work together?" Naruto asked.

"Oh yeah... oh well." Kakashi replied.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Itachi and Sasuke didn't have time to fight, though. When they walked into the auditorium, they were almost run over by a rampaging horde of students screaming, "DONALD DUCK FOR STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT!"

"Uh... OK then!" Itachi said. "And why do you want Donald Duck as your student council president?"

"BECAUSE HE'S AWESOME!" the horde chanted back. "DONALD DUCK FOR STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT!"

"Hey, at least it's better than what they were screaming five minutes ago," a sarcastic voice said from under one of the seats. Student Y poked her head out.

"Oh really? What were they screaming five minutes ago?" Sasuke asked.

"You don't want to know. Just realize that the majority of the student body thinks you're a pimp, Sasuke," she said evilly. Sasuke stared at her.

"Student Y, you don't mean that, do you?" he asked nervously.

"HEY LOOK! IT'S THE PIMP!!" a boy shouted, pointing at Sasuke.

"GET HIM!" Student B screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Sasuke yelled, running around in circles trying to escape the horde.

"Yeah. I think I'm going back to the gym," Itachi said.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Poor Sasuke. I feel bad for ANYONE chased by that mob...

Also, I'd like to ask your opinion on something. I am getting ready to start posting my next story, but I want to know what you'd like to read.

_**Being Dead Isn't As Easy As It Looks- **_Sasuke dies, and when he gets to heaven, he learns some interesting things about his family and friends. Let's just say that you never truly know another person... It's a crack story, as usual, and trust me, it's anything BUT depressing. Sorry Sasuke fans, I just thought the storyline worked better with him as the main character.

_**Akatsuki Hacking Organization- **_When a falling computer beans Tobi on the head, Akatsuki decide they are going to become master hackers. Too bad they're completely computer illiterate. Again, it's crack and it's kind of packed with technical lingo, but I will define hacking terms at the end of each chapter.

_**Hit the Road, Dei!- **_Sakura finds out Deidara's been cheating on her so he kicks him out. Poor Deidara has nowhere to go and housing prices are EXPENSIVE. DeiHarem. Crack, but slightly more romantic than usual. It's a little more mature than usual...

_**Taboos- **_Some things are sacred. And Gaara's toothpaste happens to be one of them. Oneshot.

_**Orochimaru on a Plane- **_Uh... the title pretty much says it all.

Post which one you want to read in a review. Thanks for reading!

-GoesKaboom


	24. Chapter 24

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-Four

All of the students filed into the gym, confused. "Why are we here again?" someone asked.

"I think it's because we're going to get a lecture on behavior. I think attacking Sasuke made the rest of the teachers angry."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Who's Sasuke again? I forgot."

"The History teacher."

"Ah."

"I thought they were going to tell us that our normal teacher were coming back! I really want to get out of gym class, the creepy red-haired teacher scares me! And my English teacher sucks!" Student B complained.

"That's not nice!" Gaara said. "I'm not creepy! I'm not creepy, am I?" he asked a random passing student.

"Uh..." he replied. Gaara started to sniff.

"I'm not creepy! I'm not I'm not I'm not!"

"Someone PLEASE explain to them all why they are here?" Itachi asked. "I don't have time, because the cops just called and told me to go pick Tobi up. Bye." And he left.

"Ya know, all of a sudden I don't feel like having the pep rally, do you?" Tenten asked.

"Nah. I want to go to McDonald's-un," Deidara said. "I really want to eat their apple pies and get a supersized Coke."

"You're going to get fat, and then you won't be youthful anymore!" Lee said. "But sure, let's just dismiss class for the day."

"YAAAY! APPLE PIES-UN!" Deidara shouted happily. "EVERYONE GO HOME! I'M GOING TO EAT APPLE PIES AND I'M NOT TAKING ALL OF YOU WITH ME! ESPECIALLY YOU, STUDENT B! YOU PUT ME IN A COMA! BUT MAKE SURE YOU COME TO CLASS ON TIME TOMORROW-UN!"

"Sheesh Deidara, could you be any louder?" Kisame complained. But at least all of the students cleared out. This day would go down in _A. High School _history as the Pep Rally that Never Happened.

"Wait. We did all of that troublesome work for nothing!" Shikamaru yelled.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Wow! You all really responded to what you want to read next! Just so you all know, I will be writing all of those stories eventually, but I can really only write two at a time before I get REALLY confused. So here are the top three.

Akatsuki Hacking Organization

Orochimaru on a Plane

Taboos

So I guess the first chapter of _Akatsuki Hacking Organization_ will be coming out in a few days. Or, at least whenever they fix the Document Manager. Something got fubar-ed again... (sigh). I don't have time to export an old chapter and re-type everything all the time, but I'll do my best. By the way, am I the only one with a faulty document manager?

_Taboos_ MAY be posted before I finish either _Exchange _or _Hacking Organization _because it is a oneshot. Anyway, thank you all so much for your input! And for those of you who wanted to read the other stories, don't worry. I'll write them eventually. :D

-GoesKaboom


	25. Chapter 25

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-Five

Things seemed to have gone back to the pseudo-normal routine that days at _A. High School _had fallen into, at least for a few weeks. Gaara was still terrorizing his gym class, Chouji was still eating everything his class cooked, and Shikamaru still slept the whole day away. But all that changed with the principal's announcement. "Everyone, the All-Staff Drama Presentation is coming up soon," he said one day. Tobi looked blankly at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"What I mean is, all the teachers put on a play for the students."

"Oh HECK no!" Kisame said. "No way am I wearing a tutu!" Everyone stared at him.

"Uh... no one said you had to wear a tutu," Sasuke said. "And I hope for the sake of everyone's eyesight that you are NOT required to wear a tutu."

"Mark my words, Sasuke, once they announce a play, there are no lines drawn. Everything flies out of the window and the boundaries of decency are crossed! And trust me, there will be worse than me in a tutu. Imagine: Zetsu in a sundress!" Everyone gasped at the horror their imaginations created.

"Hey now..." Zetsu said.

"It's up to the English teacher to choose what play," the principal continued. Everyone looked nervously at Itachi.

"What do you bet he's going to pick the stage adaptation of _Kill Bill_?" Zetsu whispered to Sakura.

"I don't know..." she replied.

* * *

Itachi stayed up half the night typing on his computer, looking for interesting plays that he could choose. One in particular caught his eye. _Romeo and Juliet. _"Heh..." he thought to himself. "That looks interesting."

* * *

The next day, no one believe him when he announced that he had picked _Romeo and Juliet. _"That doesn't sound like something you'd do, Itachi," Kisame said.

"Can I be Romeo-un?" Deidara asked hopefully.

"Nah, you're more likely to be Juliet!" Gaara snickered.

"No, but if Deidara-sempai is Romeo, then I want to be Juliet! And if Deidara-sempai is Juliet, then I want to be Romeo!" Tobi chirped.

"Hell no, moron!" Deidara yelled back.

"Aww... but it would be the perfect way to help our relationship grow and bloom into something beautiful!"

"Can someone PLEASE get him out of here-un?"

"Why?"

"PLEASE-UN!"

So Choji and Neji forcibly removed Tobi from the room.

"So! Who thinks he gets concession-stand duty?" Sasuke asked. Everyone agreed unanimously.

There was one little threat lurking in the back of everyone's mind, though... Who would get what parts?

"Please let me be Juliet to Sasuke's Romeo!" both Ino and Sakura were thinking.

"I want Naruto to be Romeo and I'll be Juliet!" Hinata thought.

"Please... let me be scenery or something normal like that," Sasuke begged silently.

"I'm hungry. Where's my ramen? Is there ramen in this play?" Naruto asked.

"I'll be anything EXCEPT Juliet-un," Deidara thought.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

We're reading _Romeo and Juliet _in English, so I thought I'd bring it into the story... I don't know, maybe it's a bad idea.

Some of you have asked if the story is over. The answer is NO! I really don't know when this will be ending... probably before it reaches fifty chapters, though. Thanks for reading!

-GoesKaboom


	26. Chapter 26

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-six

The principal brought out an old, beat-up looking hat that he put everyone's names in. And so, the list of characters stacked up like this:

Romeo: Itachi

Juliet: Sasuke

Friar Laurence: Zetsu

Mercutio: Naruto

The Nurse: Tenten

Tybalt: Gaara

Capulet: Deidara

Lady Capulet: Hinata

Montague: Shikamaru

Lady Montague: Temari

Paris: Choji

Benvolio: Kankuro

Prince Escalus: Sakura

Friar John: Kakashi

Balthazar: Ino

Sampson: Tobi

Gregory: Neji

Abraham: Kisame

Apothecary: Itachi's English teacher buddy

Peter: Lee

The Chorus: The Principal

"That's just WRONG!" Naruto shouted upon seeing this list.

"Ick.." Kisame said, disgusted. "Where did they come up with THIS list?!"

"Oh HELL no!" Sasuke shouted when he saw the list. "I'm not being a girl! And I'm especially not being my BROTHER'S lover!"

"For once I have to agree with my foolish little brother," Itachi said quietly once he finished gagging. "Here, let Sakura take over my role. I'm fine with being the prince."

"Yay! I can be Sasuke's lover!" Sakura shouted.

"Then can I switch roles with Sakura?" Sasuke asked. "Because I don't want to be Juliet!"

"Well, I'll allow Itachi and Sakura to switch roles, but no more switching! It's too confusing!" the principal said.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. No one really wanted to see a romance, albeit a fake one, between Itachi and Sasuke. "Hey, at least you get to be with a girl," Neji said.

"Yeah, but I still have to wear a dress!"

"But you know, in Shakespeare's time, only man would have played ANY of the parts... if you were performing this back then, then you would have been kissing a dude anyway," Tobi said. "Oh, if only I was Romeo to Deidara-sempai's Juliet!"

"Keep that guy away from me-un!" Deidara yelled.

After a lot of discussion, everyone decided to start practicing. It was going to be a LOOONG road ahead.

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

Sorry for the short chapter.Ya know what? They FINALLY fix the damn document manager and then email alerts are down... is there just no pleasing this website?

I'm sorry if this segment of the story doesn't make much sense. You see, we're reading _Romeo and Juliet _in my English class, and the truth is... I don't like reading much besides manga and fanfiction, so this is really to help me increasing understanding of the play as well as make people laugh. So if something doesn't make sense or you think I screwed something up, please tell me, because the play might as well be written in Martian. I'm so pathetic I get confused even when I'm reading SparkNote's translation... anyway, I'll shut up now because you don't read this to listen to me complain.

-GoesKaboom


	27. Chapter 27

Exchange Program

Chapter Twenty-seven

Practice for the play was not going well. For anyone. If everyone wasn't tripping over the scenery, they were ripping their costumes. If they weren't ripping their costumes, they were fighting each other with the props. And if they weren't fighting each other with the props, they were slacking off. And if they weren't slacking off... well... let's just say it was a sign of the coming Apocalypse. Currently, Sasuke and Student B were fighting over costumes.

"Come on! I have the perfect dress for you! My PROM DRESS!" Student B yelled, pulling out a frilly, pink, lacy, SEE-THROUGH concoction that almost made your head explode just looking at it.

"Oh HELL no!" Sasuke said for about the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th time that day.

"Oh HELL yes," Student B said.

"Oh HELL no!"

"Oh HELL yes!"

"Oh HELL no!"

"Oh HELL yes!"

"Oh HELL no!"

"Oh HELL yes!"

"Oh HELL no!"

"Oh HELL yes!"

"Shut up!" the very annoyed writer of this story yelled. "You're taking up my whole damn chapter!"

Ok. Back to business. Students X, Y, and Z saw that Sasuke was in trouble, so they went to go save him.

"Student B... ya know, I thought Deidara had a restraining order against you, since you put him in a coma and all..." Student Y said, her voice dripping poison.

"Leave it," Student X said, sighing. He didn't really want to break up the 7,124,657,123,792,5478th death match between Students B and Y. "It's not worth it. Just leave it."

"Come on, X. Give her a break! That dress is giving me a migraine!" Student Z said crankily.

"So... X, Z, do you think I should call the cops?" Student Y asked. Student B looked around nervously. "So just give me the money to use the pay phone."

"Dumbass... you don't need money to use the pay phone to call the cops!" Student B said.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Be right back!" Student Y said as she skipped off to the nearest pay phone. Student B smacked herself upside the head.

"Smart..." Student Z said.

"Can we PLEASE get back to the normal storyline-un?!" Deidara yelled.

"Yeah, we should!" Tobi said. "I want to finish ... ahem... SOMETHING."

"Oh no you don't-un!"

"OK EVERYONE! Rehearsal time!"

To Be Completed

Omake- Author's Comments

learned a new word today. Apocalypse. And I'm very proud of myself. Sorry for the long update time. I've been kinda busy lately. And the last chapter will be THE END!

Please look forward to it.

-GoesKaboom


	28. The Final Chapter

Exchange Program

The Final Chapter

"Where the hell is Deidara?" Naruto asked angrily. "He was supposed to bring the fake swords out of the basement for practice!"

"Where the hell is my Icha Icha Paradise book?" Kakashi asked, confused. "I could have sworn I left it right over there..."

"Has anyone seen Tobi?" Sakura asked.

"Look!" Zetsu shrieked, pointing to the corner. Tobi's mask, page 124 of Kakashi's book, and three long blond hairs lay discarded in the corner.

"Oh. My. God. Not page 124!" Kakashi screamed. "Well, there's nothing we can do now. It's out of our hands."

"We have to save Deidara!" Hinata said.

"Chillax," a voice commanded. "We'll take care of it." Students X, Y , and Z dropped out of the ceiling.

"Oh. It's you guys," Itachi said.

"Yeah. We heard your problem. X wants to kick Tobi's ass since he failed him on his algebra test last week, and Y wants to try out her new taser," Student Z said.

"YAAAY! TASER!" Student Y screamed, running around zapping random things.

"OW!" Sasuke yelled.

"Eeek!" Student B shrieked.

"Hey! Why are YOU here!?" Shikamaru asked her.

"Eh heh heh..." she sheepishly said as she sneaked out.

* * *

Outside, all of the teachers that had been displaced by "food poisoning" several months before were gathered outside the school. The REAL art teacher was at the head of the crowd.

"We will use whatever means necessary to get our jobs back!" he shouted.

"TEACHERS FOREVER!" they yelled.

* * *

Inside the school, in the teacher's lounge, Deidara found himself in a compromising situation with Tobi. Again. Tobi was sitting on him, and smashed his lips against Deidara's.

"You taste so good,Sempai! I just want to eat you!"

"Uh... uh... uh... that's okay. I don't really want to be "eaten"-un!" Deidara panicked.

But Tobi didn't seem to care. "Come on!" he said, trying to remove his Sempai's cloak.

"FREEZE! Y'S GOT A TASER AND SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!" Student X screamed as he kicked down the door.

"Oh thank god-un!" Deidara sighed in relief.

"YAY! TASER!" Student Y yelled, waving her taser around.

But Tobi tried to escape. So he ran through the auditorium with X, Y, and Z chasing him. Just as they were rehearsing the balcony scene. Just as the teachers breached the entry.

"GIVE US BACK OUR JOBS!" the teachers shrieked.

"All right! A fight!" Itachi yelled, Mangekyouing anyone who came within three feet of him.

"WHEE!" Student Y yelled as she zapped anyone and everyone with her taser.

"Hmm... ooh... I want to try that!" Kakashi said, still reading his book.

In all the confusion, the Magical Portal to the Naruto World opened up and vaccumed everyone who belonged there up like an insane vaccuum cleaner. Peace fell over _A. High School. _

"OW!" everyone yelled when they landed back in Konoha. In a big dog pile. Fortunantly, almost everyone was out of costume. ALMOST being the key word here. Sasuke was still in his dress.

After saying goodbye, everyone went their separate ways. The Sand Sibs went back to Suna, Akatsuki went back to their lair, and the Rookie Nine went back to their houses.

* * *

-

Back at _A. High School, _Student Y was getting chewed out.

"Young lady, you are in SERIOUS trouble!" the principal yelled. "What in the name of hell gave you the idea that it was all right to use a taser?!"

"Uh... it's not my taser. It's Student B's."

* * *

The few months that that innocent high school had ninja substitute teachers would go down in history as the weirdest, wildest, most entertaining months EVER in a school.

Who knows, maybe next time there's an accident in their world, YOU'LL get ninja subs at your school!

_**OWARI **_

Omake- Author's Comments

Three months. Twenty-eight chapters. Over 200 reviews.

Honestly, I really don't know what to say except "THANK YOU TO MY READERS!" Without all of you, this story wouldn't have made it this far. There's an abundance of high school fics out there, but all of you took your precious time to read this one. I am very happy and honored.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if this story would be well recieved, because I thought it was kind of well, too much like my  school. Maybe people wouldn't get it? It was shocking to me how many people added this to their alerts, favorites, or C2 community. Once again, I would like to say thank you to everyone who read this and stayed with this story until completion.

garrarules4257 beta-ed the final chapter. Thanks!

If you have the time, feel free to check out some of my other stories too.

-GoesKaboom


End file.
